Why Do You Keep this Friend?

 In Better Life, Focusing on the positive, Negative emotions

You may not realize it, but there’s a very good chance you have a bad friend.  Let me give you a few examples.  Let’s say you get passed over for a job or a promotion.  You likely have a friend who tells you that you don’t deserve it, aren’t talented enough or smart enough.  They even keep reminding you of this rejection.  Or perhaps you’re trying to lose weight but just can’t manage to keep it off or get to your desired weight.  Your “bad” friend tells you that you don’t have enough willpower or that you’re too weak and don’t try hard enough.  Or maybe you mess up on the job, just enough to get your boss’s attention and a small reprimand.  Your friend reminds you of this over and over.

I’m guessing right now you are adamant that you would NEVER keep such a negative person as a friend.  But the person I’m referring to in the above examples is not someone you can ignore or avoid.  It’s actually YOUR OWN internal voice.  These stories are things many of us tell ourselves.  If we could somehow make our internal thoughts a separate person, it’s quite likely we would NOT want to spend much time with them.

What can we do?  We can tune in and be aware of our internal voice.  If we notice it’s stuck in a negative thought that’s not doing us any good, we can purposely CHOOSE to focus on something more positive or change the story we’re telling ourselves.  It may not be easy at first, but it does get easier with practice and we can become a better friend to ourselves.


Tina Hallis, Ph.D., a professional speaker and consultant for The Positive Edge, shares the Science of Success with organizations who want to create a more positive workplace so they can activate their morale, teamwork and productivity.

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