Can Your Best Qualities Get You Into Trouble?
I’ve been teaching DiSC® personality styles for years, and love seeing the aha moments dawn on people’s faces as they suddenly get a deeper understanding about themselves and the other people in their lives. So fun!!
But there’s another piece to DiSC® that has always fascinated me. The very qualities that make us successful can also get us into trouble.
As someone with a high Steadiness style, I naturally value harmony. I want people to feel included. I genuinely care that everyone is okay. Most of the time, that’s a wonderful strength.
Until… I find myself saying, “Whatever you want is fine.” For the fourth time. Even though I definitely have an opinion. Sound familiar?
Through Internal Family Systems (IFS), I’ve started to understand this in a whole new way. My high Steadiness isn’t the problem. What’s happening is that one of my protective parts has learned to use that strength to keep me safe. “If everyone else is happy, then we’ll be okay.”
Suddenly, my strength becomes people-pleasing. Not because harmony is bad… But because my protector is relying on it too much.
I’ve started noticing this in all four DiSC styles.
A high D might become so decisive that they stop listening.
A high I can become so focused on being liked that they avoid difficult conversations.
A high S may create so much harmony that they disappear in the process.
A high C may become so analytical that they struggle to make decisions because they’re waiting for one more piece of information.
The strength hasn’t changed. The volume has. It’s almost as if our protective parts grab the microphone and turn our best qualities up too loud.
Here’s the beautiful part: The goal isn’t to get rid of those strengths. I would never want to stop caring about people. I also don’t want to silence my analytical side. Those parts have helped me in countless ways.
Our strengths aren’t meant to disappear. They’re meant to be guided.
This week, see if you can notice when one of your greatest strengths stops feeling like a strength and feels more like tension. Then smile… Thank that part for working so hard. And gently let your Best Self take back the volume knob.
