Who’s Running the Show? A Simple Shift in Words Gives You More Power

Click above for the video, or here’s the YouTube link – https://youtu.be/R1pe2FeBLu4 – or find the transcript below.

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When we get triggered, one critical shift that can really help us notice which part is activated and get better at listening to it is this difference between speaking FROM our parts versus speaking FOR the part. This may sound like a subtle shift, but this is huge!

So, thinking “I’m upset at this customer service person!” comes FROM the part, but if I reword it and say, “A part of me is upset at this customer service person.” I’m speaking FOR the part.

Let’s take a closer look. Imagine things don’t go as expected in your day with a project or whatever it is, and you might think, “Ah, I’m discouraged!” Right?  If you’re speaking FROM the part, you would say, “Oh, I’m so discouraged about this not going right; this breaking.” But if you can reword it, then we can say, “Oh, a part of me is discouraged at what’s happening.”

Or FROM the part sounds like “Oh, I’m feeling so anxious about this upcoming meeting!”  Or “Oh, a part of me is feeling anxious.” One more. “I’m so frustrated that this happened!” “Oh, a part of me is very frustrated.”

This rewording really helps us become the observer and not just a participant. Speaking from the part often feeds the negative emotion; it just keeps building. It’s not going to relax. But when we speak FOR it, it helps us think more calmly and clearly.  When we speak FROM the part, we’re focusing on what the part wants.  What the part thinks should happen.  But when we can speak FOR it, we can consider what’s best for the situation, from our best self.  And when we speak FROM the part, it means the part is actually in control, versus speaking FOR the part helps our best self have more control.

I’d love for us to experiment with this and give you a chance to experience this difference.  And I encourage you to pick a trigger,  a situation, something medium to maybe low intensity;  nothing super hot.  Here’s a list to kind of get ideas flowing.  Maybe help you think of something because I know when someone puts me on the spot – like,  think of something… about this, my mind goes blank.

So, what kind of part or trigger might come up if –

•       you’re running behind schedule?

•       someone cuts you off while you’re driving?

•       your child comes home in a bad mood?

•       your partner forgets to run an errand?

•       your check engine light comes on?

Just give you some ideas. You know, see if something else comes up, or you can certainly use one of these.

And what we’re going to do, you’re going to start by speaking FROM it.  You’re reliving the moment.  You’re in it. It’s like – I’m frustrated, I’m discouraged,  I’m anxious.

And then I’m going to ask you to just pause.  Take a breath, release the emotion,  and shift. Use the words  “A part of me is anxious or discouraged.”  Don’t try to change the situation,  don’t try to fix anything . This is just about changing the words.

Let me know how it goes! Do you feel a subtle shift? Maybe more spaciousness?