Embracing Your Inner Family: A Game-Changing Perspective

Lately, I’ve been completely fascinated by Internal Family Systems (IFS), a powerful approach developed by Richard Schwartz in the 1980s. The idea is that we all have an inner family of “parts”—different aspects of ourselves with unique roles, preferences, and strategies for keeping us safe. I like to think of them as personas of our survival instinct.

For example, I have a part that craves control and resists chaos and change. Another part prefers to stay calm and suppress emotions to maintain professionalism. One part is highly skeptical and needs solid proof before believing anything, while another is incredibly trusting and open to new perspectives. Sometimes these parts work in harmony, but other times, they clash—triggered, arguing, or even outright fighting with each other. Sound familiar? It reminds me of the “saboteurs” we’ve talked about before.

Some parts even get frustrated with others—like the one that wishes my worrying part would just stop or the one that wants my serious part to lighten up and have fun.

At the core of all these parts is my true self—what Positive Intelligence calls the Sage. This self is always calm, patient, and wise. It sees beyond the noise and knows the best path forward.

In IFS, our true selves do not judge, dismiss, or fight against our parts but have great compassion for them. Our true selves welcome and appreciate all of our parts and how hard they work to protect us.

This is a life-changing idea for me! Instead of pushing away these parts I want to change, I can embrace them and ask what they are trying to tell me. I can listen like they are my board of directors. But ultimately, my Sage self will lead the way from a place of courage, confidence, and compassion.

This week, see if you can notice a part that is triggered, and then see if you can settle into your true self and welcome it, sit with it, and appreciate how it is trying to help you. Maybe even ask what it would like to tell you.