An Amazing Book that Changed My Thinking – Loving What Is

 In Better Life, Focusing on the positive

I want to share an amazing book with you that has greatly influenced my thinking, and I’ve recommended it to many people.  It’s called “Loving What Is” by Byron Katie. 

Just a quick highlight of her story.  Katie, as she’s called, had the perfect life – great job, loving husband, kids, nice house…  But she was incredibly unhappy.  Her depression deepened until she could no longer get out of bed.  She admitted herself to a hospital. One day, she woke up with the answer to all of her problems. She realized she had had expectations of how she thought things should be; how her husband should be, her kids, her job, etc. 

She now knew that she needed to drop her expectations and love everyone and everything just as they were. She became a different person. Her family and friends couldn’t believe the change. Now neighbors and strangers would stop by for advice. She still had many problems and challenges in her life, but now she embraced and accepted them as part of life. Word spread about a system she developed that helped her change her thinking and expectations. She called it “The Work.” Learn more at

The Work” starts by writing about a specific situation that’s upsetting.  Here’s a link to the worksheet she recommends using.

The next step is to ask yourself 4 questions as they relate to the situation.  I love these and especially like to consider question #4 in my own situations.

    1.    Is it true? (Yes or no. If no, move to 3.)

    2.    Can you absolutely know that it’s true? (Yes or no.)

    3.    How do you react, what happens, when you believe that thought?

    4.    Who would you be without the thought?

A guide is available here to help you with the questions.

The last step is to do a turn-around.  The easiest way is to explain with an example.  If your negative thought is, “My boss doesn’t appreciate me.”  possible turn-arounds would be to say and consider the following:

“My boss does appreciate me.”

“I don’t appreciate my boss.”

“I don’t’ appreciate myself.”

The trick is to dig deep and openly consider if any of these turn-arounds could be contributing to your problem.  How could they help you interpret and react to the situation differently?  

Take a few minutes right now and think of a situation that’s getting you stuck in negative thoughts.  Then give “The Work” a try.  Also be sure to watch a few of her videos.  

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Tina Hallis, Ph.D. is Chief Positivity Officer of The Positive Edge, a company dedicated to helping people and organizations increase their positivity to improve the quality of people’s work lives and the quality of company cultures. She is certified in Positive Psychology, an authorized partner for Everything DiSC®, and a Professional Member of the National Speaker’s Association.

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