Is Someone Bugging You? – Tips to help you appreciate others

 In Better Life, Focusing on the positive, Relationships

Ever notice how once you focus on something that BUGS you about someone, everything they do starts to bug you?  It seems like the only thing you can notice is their faults.  Then this feeling starts to affect how you treat them, which only makes them behave in a way that irritates you even more.  It can become a vicious cycle!

We know that none of us are perfect.  We all have our flaws and gaps.  But we also all have unique and wonderful talents and gifts.  If we focus on these good things in other people, we not only create more positive feelings about them and enjoy being around them more, we also help them to discover their own talents.

Remember how we can get stuck in a downward spiral when we dwell on something we don’t like?  The same is true when we focus on other people’s flaws.  It blinds us to their  good traits.  But when we appreciate the positive in someone, the positive appreciates.  Here are some tips to break the downward cycle.

Remind yourself:

  • no one is perfect, including you.
  • our brains are wired to focus on the negative; it’s our natural default mode.
  • in every moment we have a choice; we can choose to shift our focus to the positive.
  • to make a list of the good things about the other person; keep a running list that you add to every week so you are on the look out for the good.
  • of something on this list when you find yourself dwelling on what they do that bugs you.

I made a list of 50 things I love about my husband for his 50th birthday.  For several months, I was on the lookout for all the good things about him.  You know what I found?  It helped me appreciate that I am very lucky to have someone as wonderful as him!!


Tina Hallis, Ph.D., a professional speaker and consultant for The Positive Edge, shares the Science of Success with organizations who want to create a more positive workplace so they can activate their people’s productivity and performance.  She is also an authorized partner for Everything DiSC®.

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